Trump Booed By Supporters

Newsweek

Trump’s supporters booed and jeered when he revealed he got a booster shot and is pro-vaccination.

Trump’s supporters booed at an event Sunday when he announced he’d gotten the COVID-19 booster shot.

The audience cheered when Trump said he was opposed to vaccine mandates.

But the reaction changed when Trump and Bill O’Reilly said they were vaccinated and had boosters.

Supporters of former President Donald Trump booed and jeered when he announced on Sunday that he had received a COVID-19 booster shot and was in favor of the vaccine.

Trump made the comments during an appearance on the former Fox News host Bill O’Reilly’s “History Tour.” Newsweek first reported on the remarks.

At the event, Trump noted that the COVID-19 vaccine was developed under his administration as part of Operation Warp Speed. “Look, we did something that was historic, we saved tens of millions of lives worldwide when we, together, all of us, we got a vaccine done,” Trump said.

“This was going to ravage the country far beyond what it is right now. Take credit for it,” Trump said, adding later: “It’s great. What we’ve done is historic. Don’t let them take it away.”

The former president drew cheers from the crowd when he said that he was opposed to vaccine mandates, adding, “If you don’t want to take it, you shouldn’t be forced to take it. No mandates.”

But the crowd’s reaction shifted when Trump and O’Reilly revealed they were both vaccinated and had gotten booster shots.

According to Newsweek, after O’Reilly told the audience that he and Trump were vaccinated, he asked Trump if he received a booster shot, to which Trump replied, “Yes.”

“I got it, too,” O’Reilly said.

Newsweek reported that the crowd then started booing Trump and that he had to tamp down the audience’s reaction which appeared to be coming from one side of the arena.

“Don’t, don’t, don’t,” Trump said. “That’s all right. It’s a very tiny group up there.”

Trump’s comments over the weekend came a few months after he told reporters that he would not be getting a booster shot.

“I feel like I’m in good shape from that standpoint — I probably won’t” get one, he told The Wall Street Journal in a September interview. Later he added, “I’m not against it, but it’s probably not for me.”

Trump has repeatedly sent mixed messages about the COVID-19 vaccine to his base, a big chunk of which remains reluctant to get the shot.

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CORONAVIRUS INFO PROVIDED BY DR. JIM HARRIS –12/14/2021

J. Harris: The “77” for the 13th comes from Judge Sims and the MNM. I can’t find that data yet,  but they were correct a couple of days ago with a “35.”This would raise our “Cases Per 100,000” value considerably. Obviously, I am very concerned. I started wearing my mask again two days ago. We live in an unvaccinated county. This is probably still Delta. We should know soon. “Merry Christmas.”

My computer ate my homework and I inadvertently deleted some good stuff. Sorry. Today’s not a total loss, however. 

SARS-CoV-2 Vaccine Antibody Response and Breakthrough Infection in Patients Receiving Dialysis

”…In our cohort, we were able to implement an unbiased monthly serologic testing strategy to study postvaccination response in a geographically diverse population with sizeable proportions of racial and ethnic minority groups and patients with chronic illnesses (such as heart failure or diabetes). Using these real-world data from a time when the Delta variant of SARS-CoV-2 was also circulating widely in the United States, we found a clinically meaningful indication that antibody values measured using an accessible assay and at time points remote from vaccination are strongly associated with risk for breakthrough infection. This brings us closer to defining a “persisting antibody” threshold (34) for immunity. The relative importance of such a threshold may be greater for high-risk or immunocompromised groups compared with otherwise healthy persons because many components of their immune response may be impaired (35). This is evident in our data, as 40% of patients with breakthrough infection were hospitalized.

”…Several studies have reported a stronger initial antibody response with mRNA-1273 [Moderna] than with BNT162b2 [Pfizer] putatively due to the higher mRNA dose in the mRNA-1273 formulation (35, 38). Our longitudinal analyses confirmed that persons vaccinated with mRNA-1273 maintained slightly higher index values than those receiving BNT162b2 throughout the 6-month follow-up. A single dose of Ad26.COV2.S [J&J] did not yield a detectable antibody response in more than half of patients. The manufacturers of Ad26.COV2.S recently submitted data showing improved efficacy of this vaccine with 2 doses given 2 months apart (39). Finally, although healthy persons with SARS-CoV-2 infection before vaccination seem to mount peak antibody responses that are more than 2-fold higher than among those who were not infected (40), we found that antibodies among patients receiving dialysis wane over time regardless of prior SARS-CoV-2 infection and are equivalently low 6 months after vaccination. Patients with prior SARS-CoV-2 infection also experienced breakthrough infection in our cohort.”

From THE LANCET:

Serial antigen rapid testing in staff of a large acute hospital

(J. Harris: A short, readable description of Covid detection and containment in a large Singapore hospital.  An expensive and sophisticated serial testing program is described — the results must have pleased a staff that seemed  healthy and reasonable and intelligent to start with.)

Emerging SARS-CoV-2 variants: shooting the messenger

J. Harris: This is a short discussion of travel bands in countries who report variants. 

HOW ABOUT A GOOD JOKE?

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CORONAVIRUS INFO PROVIDED BY DR. JIM HARRIS –12/12/2021

J. Harris: Just a  quick word and some new information from the British.The new Covid numbers are up our area, but the hospital admissions are not increased. We are likely testing more, finally,  as well. These new cases may be Omicron as well as Delta. I would avoid crowds and wear your masks, wash hands, keep distance and the like. Vaccination with 3 jabs helps considerably, but not completely. The state numbers are somewhat confusing, so I’m going with the NYT who seem to be doing better stats at this time (and are probably getting them from Hopkins) It appears Omicron may be less lethal than Delta, but should be avoided. Don’t try to catch it. The Omicron symptoms may only seem like a bad cold, but STAY AWAY from GRANDMA if you get sick. 

Omicron is speeding through Britain, and boosters help provide protection, U.K. scientists say.

”…the study, published by British government scientists on Friday, also indicated that third vaccine doses provided considerable defense against Omicron…Four months after people received a second dose of the Pfizer-BioNTech vaccine, the shots were roughly 35 percent effective in preventing symptomatic infections caused by Omicron, a significant drop-off from their performance against the Delta variant, the scientists found.A third dose of the Pfizer-BioNTech vaccine, though, lifted the figure to roughly 75 percent… Omicron is managing to spread [easily]. Someone infected with the Omicron variant, for example, is roughly three times as likely as a person infected by the Delta variant to pass the virus to other members of his or her household…a close contact of an Omicron case is roughly twice as likely as a close contact of someone infected with Delta to catch the virus…Even if Omicron causes [less] severe illness [for example] at only half the rate of the Delta variant… computer modeling suggested that 5,000 people could be admitted to hospitals daily in Britain at the [anticipated] peak of its Omicron wave — a figure [that would be] higher than any seen [previously] at any other point in the pandemic…”

The C.D.C. found 43 Omicron cases, almost all of them mild, in the first week of December.

”Forty-three infections with the Omicron variant were identified in 22 states during the first eight days of December, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reported on Friday, offering a first glimpse of the variant’s course in the United States.

One individual, who was vaccinated, required a brief hospital stay, and there were no deaths. The most common symptoms were cough, fatigue and congestion or a runny nose. The first cases appeared to be mild, but the report warned that “as with all variants, a lag exists between infection and more severe outcomes.”

Omicron, which has been deemed a variant of concern, is believed to be even more transmissible than the Delta variant, which continues to account for virtually all coronavirus infections in the United States.

The actual number of Omicron cases is almost certainly higher, but to what extent is uncertain. The country initiated enhanced genomic surveillance on Nov. 28 in order to increase the detection of Omicron, and an average of 50,000 to 60,000 coronavirus-positive specimens are now being sequenced every week.

The new variant contains mutations that may make it somewhat resistant to available treatments and to the body’s immune defenses, experts say.

Young adults under the age of 40 accounted for most of the Omicron cases. The majority — 34 individuals, representing 79 percent of the total — were fully vaccinated when they had their first symptoms or tested positive.

Fourteen of these people had received a booster dose before their diagnoses, and six had previously been infected with the coronavirus.

About one-third of those infected with Omicron had traveled internationally in the two weeks prior to testing positive or developing symptoms, indicating that the variant is spreading locally in communities, the report said.

The Omicron cases were found all over the country, including Hawaii, Washington State, California, Texas and Minnesota, as well as in more than a half-dozen states on the East Coast, including Florida, New York, Pennsylvania and Massachusetts.

The C.D.C. report predicted additional Omicron infections, transmitted in November, will be discovered in the coming days.

“Even if most infections are mild, a highly transmissible variant could result in enough cases to overwhelm health systems,” the authors warned. “The clinical severity of infection with the Omicron variant will become better understood as additional cases are identified and investigated.”

Experts are urging Americans to get vaccinated and to continue to practice precautions: wearing masks, improving ventilation in closed spaces, getting tested and going into quarantine, or isolation, if needed to slow transmission.

—by Roni Caryn Rabin

THANK YOU NY TIMES 

LASTLY:

I’m so old that there was no television when I was a child.

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Opinion: Unintended Coincidences

The Hill

Editor comment: 

Sometimes laws have unintended coincidences. Texas’ overly restrictive abortion law might just be one of laws.

Law experts have suggested that the clever “vigilante justice” part of the Texas law, if Constitutional, might be used by other special interest groups to accomplish very different goals.

Reports say that the conservative justices on the Supreme Court are concerned about the unintended coincidences of finding the Texas law constitutional.

It looks like other states are already working to use the Texas law to their benefit.

California governor to use Texas abortion law tactics to target assault rifles

California Gov. Gavin Newsom (D) is looking to use a tactic from Texas’s controversial abortion law to target assault rifle sales in the Golden State.

Newsom on Saturday said he directed his staff to collaborate with the legislature and attorney general to draft a bill that would allow private citizens to file lawsuits for at least $10,000 “against anyone who manufactures, distributes, or sells an assault weapon or ghost gun kit or parts in the State of California.”

“If the most efficient way to keep these devastating weapons off our streets is to add the threat of private lawsuits, we should do just that,” he added in a statement.

California has had a ban in place on the manufacture and sale of specific assault-style weapons, The Associated Press noted, adding that a federal judge overturned the ban in June, ruling that the law was unconstitutional.

The state is appealing the judge’s ruling, in which he likened an AR-15 rifle to a Swiss Army knife, claiming the former is “good for both home and battle,” according to the AP.

Newsom’s announcement followed a ruling from the Supreme Court on Friday that allows Texas’s controversial abortion law to remain in place. The policy prohibits abortions from being performed after a fetal heartbeat is detected, which could occur as early as six weeks — before many women know they are pregnant.

The law also empowers private citizens to file lawsuits against individuals who perform, aid or abet an abortion after a fetal heartbeat is detected.

The Supreme Court in its ruling also said abortion providers can pursue a federal lawsuit challenging the law.

The California governor on Saturday said he was “outraged” by the Supreme Court’s decision.

“If states can now shield their laws from review by the federal courts that compare assault weapons to Swiss Army Knives, then California will use that authority to protect people’s lives, where Texas used it to put women in harm’s way,” he said.

“If that’s the precedent then we’ll let Californians sue those who put ghost guns and assault weapons on our streets,” Newsom said in a separate tweet on Saturday, referring to the Supreme Court’s decision to let the law stand.

California has had a ban in place on the manufacture and sale of specific assault-style weapons, The Associated Press noted, adding that a federal judge overturned the ban in June, ruling that the law was unconstitutional.

The state is appealing the judge’s ruling, in which he likened an AR-15 rifle to a Swiss Army knife, claiming the former is “good for both home and battle,” according to the AP.

Newsom’s announcement followed a ruling from the Supreme Court on Friday that allows Texas’s controversial abortion law to remain in place. The policy prohibits abortions from being performed after a fetal heartbeat is detected, which could occur as early as six weeks — before many women know they are pregnant.

The law also empowers private citizens to file lawsuits against individuals who perform, aid or abet an abortion after a fetal heartbeat is detected.

The Supreme Court in its ruling also said abortion providers can pursue a federal lawsuit challenging the law.

The California governor on Saturday said he was “outraged” by the Supreme Court’s decision.

“If states can now shield their laws from review by the federal courts that compare assault weapons to Swiss Army Knives, then California will use that authority to protect people’s lives, where Texas used it to put women in harm’s way,” he said.

“If that’s the precedent then we’ll let Californians sue those who put ghost guns and assault weapons on our streets,” Newsom said in a separate tweet on Saturday, referring to the Supreme Court’s decision to let the law stand.

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Opinion: A series of questions

By George Smith  — December 12, 2021

A series of questions, poignant, ponderous ones, are flashing through my brainpan on this brilliant Sunday.

— Is the fiber of a revolution being woven in this country right this minute?

— Was the January 6, 2021 attack in the U.S. Capitol, designed to prevent the approval of the electoral votes for president (resulting in the death of five citizens) just a prelude to an all-out assault on democracy?

— Would the rightest of right-wingers, loyalists in the Army of Trump, actually take up arms in a systematic insurrection to overthrow our democratic republic?

There is little doubt the philosophical and political differences in this country are more severe than at any time in our history since the Civil War.

Yes, there were massive divides during the civil rights era, and the Vietnam War was fervently argued along generational lines.

But, now, today, feels different, is different.

Donald Trump’s campaigns and one-term presidency corrupted, abused and set on fire virtually every single hot button issue in America: race, religion, voting rights, education, gun laws, global alliances, abortion.

With Trump and his loyalists, everything was black and white, good or bad, righteous or evil.

With no gray areas permitted, the lines for verbal combat were clearly drawn; no middle ground existed, losers were kicked to the curb.

The chance for a meaningful dialogue about the benefits or negatives of any issue was lost as the far left forces and those with extreme right views dismissed anyone who chose to remain neutral or even want to consider options for compromise.

As the right hardened their positions on issues, the liberals felt compelled to harden their stances – no give, all take expected. When Democrats took over all three branches of government in 2020, instead of trying  to work on a government enveloped in compromise, they doubled down on the power they held, further widening the abyss.

It’s not going to stop, you know, this division. It’s only going to get worse.

There’s a good chance the Republicans will regain control of either the House or Senate or both in 2022.

If that happens, political hell is forecast with no light seen in the foreseeable future.

It’s a sad commentary, to think of the future with constantly combative political parties constantly fighting for power with the singular purpose of rubbing the noses of the other party’s elected officials in the dirt especially reserved for losers.

Where does it end? When do we, the citizens who rely on elected officials, start to matter again? When will the needs of the country come first, ahead of the naked grasp for power, retribution, and revenge for past sins, perceived or real by the so-called winners of elections?

Americans, all Americans, should demand a return to government by compromise and demand our elected representatives start acting like they care about this country and are not slaves to any party or any party leader.

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CORONAVIRUS INFO PROVIDED BY DR. JIM HARRIS –12/10/2021

J. Harris: To me, the recent data above probably reflects increased Covid infections as well as increased testing. Since the numbers of hospitalized Covid patients remains low, likely the new infections reflect Omicron? It may be a little late for some of us, but masks and crowd avoidance are indicated again, especially for the elderly and frail. 

FROM NYT THIS AM:

1. Middlebury College moves to remote instruction amid an outbreak.

(J. Harris: Vermont has the highest vaccination rates in the US. I’d like to know how many of these students have been vaccinated before becoming ill. Watch.)

2. Protection from mRNA vaccines wanes for some older adults, a C.D.C. study finds.

(J. Harris: So, be sure you have had your 3rd jab. Call Health Dept. at 903 938 8338 to get local vaccination schedule. Boosters available for older teenagers as well.)

Omicron SARS-CoV-2 variant: a new chapter in the COVID-19 pandemic

(J. Harris: Current, brief summary and update of what we know about Omicron.)

”…In terms of diagnostics, the omicron variant is detectable on widely used PCR platforms in South Africa…There is no reason to believe that current COVID-19 treatment protocols and therapeutics would no longer be effective, with the possible exception of monoclonal antibodies, for which data on the omicron variant’s susceptibility are not yet available. Importantly, existing public health prevention measures (mask wearing, physical distancing, avoidance of enclosed spaces, outdoor preference, and hand hygiene) that have remained effective against past variants should be just as effective against the omicron variant.

Extrapolations based on known mutations and preliminary observations, which should be interpreted with caution, indicate that omicron might spread faster and might escape antibodies more readily than previous variants, thereby increasing cases of reinfection and cases of mild breakthrough infections in people who are vaccinated. On the basis of data from previous VoCs, people who are vaccinated are likely to have a much lower risk of severe disease from omicron infection. A combination prevention approach of vaccination and public health measures is expected to remain an effective strategy.

9 Reasons Why I Still Mask Up

(J. Harris: I have no idea who this “civilian” [non medical] writer is, but this short message makes several good points and has a couple of good analogies. My Internist friend in Houston maintains that masks are as important as vaccination — and he treats many Covid patients.)

From Hopkins:

Two Years Into This Pandemic, The World is Dangerously Unprepared for the Next One, Report Says (Washington Post) Nearly two years into a coronavirus pandemic that has killed more than 5 million people, every country, including the United States, remains dangerously unprepared to respond to future epidemic and pandemic threats, according to a report released Wednesday assessing the efforts of 195 countries. Researchers compiling the Global Health Security Index — a project of the Nuclear Threat Initiative, a D.C.-based nonprofit global security group, and the Johns Hopkins Center for Health Security at the Bloomberg School of Public Health — found insufficient capacity in every country, which they said left the world vulnerable to future health emergencies, including some that might be more devastating than COVID-19. The assessment of each country’s ability to prevent, detect and respond to health emergencies in 2021 was based on public information. Researchers also weighed other factors, such as public confidence in government. The average country score for 2021 was 38.9 out of a possible 100 points, essentially unchanged from 2019. No country scored above 75.9.

AND LAST BUT NOT LEASED: WHY I DON’T GET COVID VACCINATED

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Opinion: Stupid-stewped-stoopid Headline

 Opinion: Stupid-stewped-stoopid Headline of the Day:

By George Smith  — December 11, 2021

“The US House Jan 6 Probe is WITCH HUNT 3.0”

Right-wing social media sites, posing as “news outlets”, have no shame, no sense of decency, answering only the clarion call of the Money God and its acolyte twins Political Pabulum and Laughable BS.

Jan. 6 happened. It’s a fact that a domestic terrorist mob tried to kidnap democracy by denying constitutional due process in the peaceful transfer of power from one president to another.

Labeling it anything other than a full-fledged, orchestrated insurrection strains credibility past the breaking point.

Former President Donald Trump did not invent the term “witch hunt”. He did, however, stake claim to its use way back in 2015 and has sprinkled it liberally in every rambling speech he ever gave since.

The term has become synonymous with Trump’s tenure and even with the man himself. In our thoughts, “Donald Trump” is usually followed by “witch hunt”, despite the fact that most of his witchiest-huntable moments are all-too-true.

It makes little difference to the Trumpuppet Corps, who disbelieve their own eyes and ears to pay homage to their personal cult leader, The Prophet Trump. If he says the insurrection was a meeting of “like-minded patriots wanting to see the workings of government up close and person,” then so be it.

These fools, as Brian Willians said last night in his retirement address, have “…decided to burn it all down – with us inside”.

For shame.

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 Opinion: Definition of Patriot

 Opinion: Definition of Patriot

By George Smith  — December 9, 2021

Let’s talk straight.

Definition of patriot

”one who loves and supports his or her country”

If you believe the results of the 2020 elections are false and you believe the election was  stolen from Donald Trump…you are not a patriot.

If you would vote for Trump in 2024… you are not a patriot.

If you refuse to acknowledge that the Jan. 6, 2021 attack of the Capitol was NOT an insurrection attempt and a domestic terrorist attack…you are not a patriot.

If you are a supporter of Majorie Taylor Greene, Lauren Boebert or Paul Gosar, or Sens. Mitch McConnell, Tom Cotton or Ted Cruz, you are not a patriot, but a wrong-headed follower of suppression politics.

All of those legislators are only interested in two things…and the fate of the country is not one of them. They all have two things in common: Power…getting it and holding onto it, and money, getting it and getting more of it.

To those folks, the fate of the country and its foundation of democracy are secondary to personal gratification in gaining and holding onto power.

If you value democracy, you cannot support those that want to dilute freedoms that define America, including equality and justice for all and preserving a democratic form of government.

It’s time for real patriots to stand up to the false idolatry worshippers who advocate the suppression of entire classes of voters in order to increase their support base.m, and, thus, individual power.

Let your voices be heard. It’s the right thing to do…the American thing to do.

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A day in the Life of Sue Republican

A day in the Life of Sue Republican

Sue gets up at 6 a.m. and fills her coffeepot with water to prepare her morning coffee. The water is clean and good because some tree-hugging liberal fought for minimum water-quality standards.

With her first swallow of coffee, she takes her daily medication. Her medications are safe to take because some stupid commie liberal fought to insure their safety and  that they work as advertised.

All but $10 of her medications are paid for by her employer’s medical plan because some liberal union workers fought their employers for paid medical insurance – now  Sue gets it too.

She prepares her morning breakfast, bacon and eggs. Sue’s bacon is safe to eat because some girly-man liberal fought for laws to regulate the meat packing industry.

In the shower, Sue reaches for her shampoo. Her bottle is properly labeled with each ingredient and its amount in the total contents because some crybaby liberal fought  for her right to know what she was putting on her body and how much it contained.

Sue dresses, walks outside and takes a deep breath. The air she breathes is clean because some environmentalist wacko liberal fought for laws to stop industries from  polluting our air.

She walks to the subway station for her government-subsidized ride to work. It saves her considerable money in parking and transportation fees because some fancy-pants  liberal fought for affordable public transportation, which gives everyone the opportunity to be a contributor.

Sue begins her work day. She has a good job with excellent pay, medical benefits, retirement, paid holidays and vacation because some lazy liberal union members fought  and died for these working standards. Sue’s employer pays these standards because Sue’s employer doesn’t want his employees to call the union.

If Sue is hurt on the job or becomes unemployed, she’ll get a worker compensation or unemployment check because some stupid liberal didn’t think she should lose her home  because of her temporary misfortune.

It’s noon and Sue needs to make a bank deposit so she can pay some bills. Sue’s deposit is federally insured by the FSLIC because some godless liberal wanted to protect  Sue’s money from unscrupulous bankers who ruined the banking system before the Great Depression.

Sue has to pay her Fannie Mae-underwritten mortgage and her below-market federal student loan because some elitist liberal decided that Sue and the government would be  better off if she was educated and earned more money over her lifetime.

Sue is home from work. She plans to visit her father this evening at his farm home in the country. She gets in her car for the drive. Her car is among the safest in the  world because some America-hating liberal fought for car safety standards.

She arrives at her childhood home. Her generation was the third to live in the house financed by Farmers’ Home Administration because bankers didn’t want to make rural  loans. The house didn’t have electricity until some big-government liberal stuck his nose where it didn’t belong and demanded rural electrification.

She is happy to see her father, who is now retired. Her father lives on Social Security and a union pension because some wine-drinking, cheese-eating liberal made sure  he could take care of himself so Sue wouldn’t have to.

Sue gets back in her car for the ride home, and turns on a radio talk show. The radio host keeps saying that liberals are bad and conservatives are good. He doesn’t mention  that Republicans have fought against every protection and benefit Sue enjoys throughout her day. Sue agrees: “We don’t need those big-government liberals ruining our lives! After all, I’m self-made and believe everyone should take care of themselves, just  like I have”.

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Opinion: Butts, bed sheets and horizontal gravity

 Opinion: Butts, bed sheets and horizontal gravity

By George Smith  — December 1, 2021

Ohhhhh, sometimes the mind climbs out of the proverbial “box” on its own.

Butts, bed sheets and horizontal gravity

I’ve never claimed that a certain percentage of my thoughts are what one might call “normal.” It is (pick one) A) a blessing, or a curse to have thoughts that sometimes fall outside the realm of those shared by a vast majority of people.

Since I have them on occasion, I go with A.

An example: Have you ever been sitting up in bed, leaned against the headboard, pillows at your back, thumbing the heck out of a good novel and all of a sudden … you realize you have slid down in the bed without realizing it? Instead of being in a sitting position, you find yourself practically supine! How did that happen?

I surmise it’s a little known and totally misunderstood element of physics – horizontal gravity. As you might surmise, there’s got to be more to it than just the fact that scientists and philosophers have overlooked this phenomenon for the past several thousand years, ever since the invention of sheets with thread count over six. Not 600, but six.

I have come to the belief that there is a direct correlation between the thread count of sheets, the square inch-ary of butt surface and the theory of horizontal gravity. Check that: It is my contention that horizontal gravity is not a theory, but an existing condition that has not been properly studied.

That’s about to change.

I am writing a federal grant to study the phenomenon and, with the bringing-home-the-bacon money available from my elected officials, I expect to get started as soon as my grant can be approved, which should be as soon as this latest, silly Middle East conflict question can be resolved. Knowing members of congress like I do, I know it’s easy to stick this type of expenditure as a “tail-er” on a bigger bill about nuclear proliferation or some such.

I have already done sufficient research to warrant the grant that I value at about $49,750. (I am convinced if I keep it under $50,000, it is such a fiscal pimple as to be invisible in any General Account Office audit.)

You want proof of my initial reasoning and research? How’s this: Sheets vary widely in thread count, as well as material from which they are constructed; 300-, 600-, 800-thread count sheets are commonplace. It is easy to buy higher thread count sheets of up to 1,800 threads per square inch (900 vertical and 900 horizontal). A higher thread count than that and you have Sarah Wrap.

A portion of the study will have to do with the surface area of butts on bed sheets. I am firmly convinced that the total surface area of a butt will slide horizontally in direct proportion to thread count; the bigger the butt surface, the faster the horizontal movement.

Of course, the study will have to include the movement of bare buttocks vs. clothed; the type of covering material or lack thereof and its affect on rate of horizontal movement will have its own section in the final report.

Those of you who may scoff at my research grant proposal do not know the depth of federal grant follies. Do you know whether or not it is economically feasible to create bite-sized bales of hay for cows? It is not economically feasible according to a 1980s federal grant to the University of Michigan.

What is the composition of 17th Century violin varnish? We know this important fact due to a federal grant.

And federal funds were used to compile the history of comic books.

Surely, a study to research the theory of horizontal gravity is just as important.

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