Play Like

By George Smith

Okay, let’s play a childhood game: “Play-like”.

You remember it if your childhood days were spent in the 1950s and ‘60s: Play-like you are a princess or a Knight  of the Round Table or a rock singer or a movie star: That was the whole premise of the game.

I am, right this instant, playing this game: Play-like I am President Donald Trump.

Okay, cool! I am one of the most powerful humans on Earth; I am rich and married to a super-hot former soft-porn model who is, by all accounts, a dedicated mother.

I am also an abysmally poor liar, popping out  jaw-dropping untruths with the regularity of a kitten with diarrhea.

I open my mouth and I lie; I use my pointer finger or opposable thumbs to dash off 10 tweets a day and lie.

And my lies are of the pre-K variety, you know, lying about not taking a cookie when you have an oatmeal mustache on your face.

As president, my lies have substance and can literally adversely affect relationships with invaluable allies or even undermine basic tenets of democracy.

Listen up: I did not attend the G-7 discussion on climate change because I had important meetings with the leaders of Germany and India. 

What? Both leaders were at the meeting? Well, I just got my times messed up. 

I was actually on a phone call with China setting up important trade talks.
Say huh? China said there was no phone call? Well, there was one and I was holding the phone and talking tough, so I ought to know.

I don’t lie and anyone who claims I do, THEY are lying.

Oh, before I forget, big news: I played golf this morning and shot a 71. Yeppers, it’s great to be me.

Trumps Tweets

By George Smith

I understand loyalty to a candidate on select issues.  Using pro-life as an example, i personally would never insert myself between a conscious choice between a woman and her doctor but I have empathy for those that do).

I am taken aback by friends who question whatever I write negatively about our president and label me a biased and left-wing nutso meadow muffin chunker. 

Have you ever noticed they never explain what twerks out of Trump’s mouth mean and offer their personal explanation.

I know the reason: They cannot defend statements like these:

—“Mexico will pay for the wall.”

—“I alone can fix it.”

—“think I am, actually humble. I think I’m much more humble than you would understand.”

—”Sorry losers and haters, but my I.Q. is one of the highest—and you all know it! Please don’t feel so stupid or insecure. It’s not your fault.” 

—”My fingers are long and beautiful, as, it has been well been documented, are various other parts of my body.”

—”I think the only difference between me and the other candidates is that I’m more honest and my women are more beautiful.”

—“You know, it really doesn’t matter what [the media] write as long as you’ve got a young and beautiful piece of ass.” 

—”There has to be some form of punishment (for work men for  abortion)…you go back to a position like they had where they would perhaps go to illegal places, but we have to ban it.” 

—”Free trade is terrible. Free trade can be wonderful if you have smart people. But we have stupid people.” 

—”These are stupid people that say, ‘Oh, didn’t Trump declare bankruptcy? Didn’t he go bankrupt?’ I didn’t go bankrupt.”

—”For evangelicals, for the Christians, for the everybody, for everybody of religion, this will be, may be, the most important election that our country has ever had. And once I get in, I will do my thing that I do very well. And I figure it is probably, maybe the only way I’m going to get to heaven. So I better do a good job.” 

And, the two statements that created an undeniable need in me to vote ”against” Trump  and rail against his messidency until I go toe’s-up:

— “If Hillary Clinton can’t satisfy her husband what makes her think she can satisfy America?”

—”They don’t write good. They have people over there (New York Times) , they don’t they don’t write good. They don’t know how to write good.”  

I can write good at times. I know how to vote good, too.

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Solution to overcharging the gummit

By George Smith

No one has asked the question yet, but I’ll answer it anyway: Sure. No problem. Count us in! Ready to get ‘er done!

Yes, to put the rumor to rest, Esteemed Spousal Unit Bobbie Jean and I will be more than happy to house a family of detained immigrants at Bedspring Ridge.  

It has nothing to do with the fact that private start-up detention centers housing thousands of illegal immigrants are getting up to $750 per day per person detained. (At that rate, a family of four costs the taxpayer $21,000 a week or $1,092,000 a year.)

That is a ridiculous amount and my taxes are going to pay for part of that!

We’ll put up a family of four at our home for only $8,252 a week. (That is a bargain basement price of only $343.83 per detainee per day, a saving of $406.17 a day from the fee charged by the price-gouging private companies.

With a one-year federal contract, guaranteeing the same daily rate, we will accept two additional families and pledge to immediately  construct an identical facility with all amenities.

And at no extra charge, we will teach our immigrants English with daily classes (we both are teacher-certified – me in English, writing, business, marketing, Bob in reading, writing and life skills. At no additional charge, our family could include a child with special meeds. BobJean has a degree in special education and I have experience working with children with special needs in sports – soccer, baseball and basketball.

We have 1.25 miles of walking trails at Bedspring Ridge Detention Center for daily  exercise; additional, optional opportunities for exercising include performing gardening tasks, beautifying our pond or removing underbrush with tools of their choice. 

Like many detention centers, the detainees will be able to earn money for work they agree to perform. But unlike many facilities, the BRDC wil pay prevailing state minimum wage, even if it is higher than the federal standard.

“Above all, be fair.” That’s the motto on the crest of our detention center.

Our contract will also attest we will provide them with adequate shower and bath facilities, soap, toothbrushes and toothpaste and clean water not out of a toilet tank.

We will guarantee ealthy food prepared and tasting better than in any federal holding facility in the country. 

As an added incentive to make our family of detainees feel at home, we will provide ingredients for a meal from their home country a minimum of two days a week with free use of the detention kitchen.

The feds will only be billed $501,991.80 year, a savings of more than 50 percent.

I know. I know. As patriots and an examples of deficit accountability, we stand tall.

Fellow Americans, you are welcome!

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Letter to the Editor: No-kill animal shelter should be a city priority

The animal shelter, again.

In March of this year, Marshall City Commissioners adopted a resolution approving a low-kill animal shelter. As we say in the navy, Bravo Zulu, Marshall!

Now what?

The city manager has had a chance to get his feet wet, the new commissioners are in place, private fundraising continues, and many of us are left wondering where the new shelter stands on the city’s list of priorities.

At about the same time a new animal shelter was approved, yet another stray dog made her way to our property, where we found her hiding in our carport, scared to death.

She had fairly recently had puppies, had hookworm and is heartworm positive. She was initially so timid that she would not join me for a walk outside the fenced yard, and getting her 60 pounds into the car for a vet visit was a Herculean task.

Inside of a month, she was the alpha dog of her new pack. She’s joyful and loving, and she leaps into the car even before I’m ready. The change was incredible.

Every time I look at her, I think of Marshall Animal Shelter and wonder how many like her have been destroyed since March, and how many more will be killed before a new shelter opens.

Yes, I understand it’s “a process.” But I also understand that we’ve been here before. I doubt that the people who worked so hard to get us to this point, again, are willing to watch years roll by as this gets pushed into the background, again. The city owes them a plan.

Linda Harber,

Marshall

Dear Journal

By Deloris Munden

On Saturday I noted in my journal there had been a mass shooting. Little did I know I would be writing the same thing on Sunday.  My only comment was thank God the shooters were white.  If someone of color would have done this that would be something you could get your teeth in. 

The man who occupies 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue said it has come down to video games and mental illness. And “perhaps” it is time to take some action.

How quickly our nation forgets these horrific acts. Are parents afraid to let our children go to school or a movie or a mall. We are becoming prisoners of fear.

And where are our countries’ leaders? They are on their 5 week holiday so they can reach out to their constituents.

What would our “leaders” do if one of their family members had been shot? Business as usual? Write notes, say our “thoughts and prayers are with you” or would they put off their vacations, go back to D.C. and start to work. Would Trump give them a deadline to prepare a bill that he would sign that was not focused on video games or mental illness but on controlling high power weapons.

Search your soul and say what if I had lost a loved one.  Is your representative funded by the NRA? If so, think long and hard about voting for him or her. After all we pay their salary, their take from the NRA is just “walking around money.”

Guaranteed demo win

By George Smith

Okay, I get it.

There are X-million people who plan to vote against giving President Donald Trump a second term in 2020. Good and dandy; that is not enough to get the job done.

The one predicable item that one can assign to the president is his unpredictability. One cannot surmise what he is going to do because he does not know what he is going to do until he does it.

How do you plan for that?

There is one way and one way only to guarantee that Donald J. Trump is defeated in the November election next year, and it has nothing to do with whom the Democrats decide to nominate.

To make sure his pious, chaotic and disruptive administration ends and that Trump and his COT (Cult of Trump) followers go the way of the wild geese is for a branded-name Republican (are you listening, Mitt Romney, Marco Rubio and John Kasich?) to put country over politics and run as an independent.

Listen! You can hear the outcries already!

While such a decision would be harder to contemplate than a granite hemorrhoid, it is just such an action this country needs to stop the hateful acts of violence, startling racial comments and attacks and global economic and fraternal disasters perpetuated by Trump and his cronies.

This country has never seen the likes of Trump, and his mystic hold on so many people who totally disregard his constant lying (and easily provable lies, at that), his use of racist language to stir up his base, his undeniable obsession with “anything Obama” that has led to a decline in programs to enhance the environment, wean the country off dependency on fossil fuels, advancements in education and creating global building blocks of strong allies.

Will anyone leave his or her party to save the country? Probably not, but the 2020 election is too important to leave to a coin toss on election day. A Mitt Romney, for example, could solidify his name in history as an unselfish politician who put his personal priorities on the back burner of history to save his country – and his party – from going down in inglorious flames after an accomplished flim-flam man has driven the GOP wagon into a deep ditch.

In 1992 Texarkana-born Ross Perot ran an independent race for president, garnering 19 percent of the national vote and denying George H.W. Bush a second term. Bill Clinton was elected to the first of two terms on the strength of Perot’s showing.

The billionaire Perot’s main campaign platform plank was the deficit, and in a convoluted way he was successful: The last balanced budget was realized in the Clinton years.

Romney, or Rubio or Kasich or even GOP Sen. Susan Collins, could potentially draw enough support from die-hard Republicans who held their nose and voted for Gropenfuhrer Trump in 2016 to tip the election in 2020 to the Democratic nominee.

A Trump challenge from a third party candidate could focus on any number of issues to make inroads: The ever-rising deficits, the administration’s threat to cut Social Security, the rise of hate crimes, racial and religious incidents. Of course, he or she could point at the daily lies Trump says or tweets, his appointment of cabinet officials totally unqualified for the positions, his embracing dictators and despots with no positive results to show for the flowery praise and kowtowing.

The 2020 election will show the ‘real” United States of America; it will tell us and the world who we are as a people, what we think about civil liberties and freedom to pursue life, liberty and pursuit of happiness.

Do we need a movie-type hero riding in on a white horse to save the day? What we don’t need is four more years of a former TV villain running his high-stakes scam on 330 million Americans.

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