By George Smith
No one has asked the question yet, but I’ll answer it anyway: Sure. No problem. Count us in! Ready to get ‘er done!
Yes, to put the rumor to rest, Esteemed Spousal Unit Bobbie Jean and I will be more than happy to house a family of detained immigrants at Bedspring Ridge.
It has nothing to do with the fact that private start-up detention centers housing thousands of illegal immigrants are getting up to $750 per day per person detained. (At that rate, a family of four costs the taxpayer $21,000 a week or $1,092,000 a year.)
That is a ridiculous amount and my taxes are going to pay for part of that!
We’ll put up a family of four at our home for only $8,252 a week. (That is a bargain basement price of only $343.83 per detainee per day, a saving of $406.17 a day from the fee charged by the price-gouging private companies.
With a one-year federal contract, guaranteeing the same daily rate, we will accept two additional families and pledge to immediately construct an identical facility with all amenities.
And at no extra charge, we will teach our immigrants English with daily classes (we both are teacher-certified – me in English, writing, business, marketing, Bob in reading, writing and life skills. At no additional charge, our family could include a child with special meeds. BobJean has a degree in special education and I have experience working with children with special needs in sports – soccer, baseball and basketball.
We have 1.25 miles of walking trails at Bedspring Ridge Detention Center for daily exercise; additional, optional opportunities for exercising include performing gardening tasks, beautifying our pond or removing underbrush with tools of their choice.
Like many detention centers, the detainees will be able to earn money for work they agree to perform. But unlike many facilities, the BRDC wil pay prevailing state minimum wage, even if it is higher than the federal standard.
“Above all, be fair.” That’s the motto on the crest of our detention center.
Our contract will also attest we will provide them with adequate shower and bath facilities, soap, toothbrushes and toothpaste and clean water not out of a toilet tank.
We will guarantee ealthy food prepared and tasting better than in any federal holding facility in the country.
As an added incentive to make our family of detainees feel at home, we will provide ingredients for a meal from their home country a minimum of two days a week with free use of the detention kitchen.
The feds will only be billed $501,991.80 year, a savings of more than 50 percent.
I know. I know. As patriots and an examples of deficit accountability, we stand tall.
Fellow Americans, you are welcome!
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