What’s Obvious to Natives

1/4/2021

You think Trump can lie his ass off?

RT is a Russian state owned and operated enterprise which conducts operations in the US and other Western countries. It produces and infuses a mix of propaganda, National Inquirer stories and rattlesnake venom into the Western media-stream for consumption by the credulous – of which there have been a growing number ever since we stopped teaching civics to junior high students.

Originally known as Russia Today, the operation was rebranded “RT” a couple of years before it became acceptable to traipse around Trump Tower wearing Chinese polypropylene gimme-caps stenciled with recycled Reagan campaign slogans. Putin’s internet house-organ has enjoyed an enormous surge in growth and popularity during the Trump era. (e.g.)

RT’s remit is perhaps no more sinister (but certainly no less) than its counterparts like the US Information Service and the State Department. Think of RT as MSNBC (or FOX) operating in the DRPK but with a constrained budget, limited access to talent, and a management composed of CIA operatives.

The following was submitted to RT’s website using the ‘share your comments’ button.

Me? I always have comments.

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Gentlemen and Ladies:

I get the idea about how if you’re able to turn the US into as big of a dumpster fire as Russia that it will facilitate your efforts to continue holding up Mother Russia to your own MAGA class as The Best Dumpster Fire Over All The Rest of The Dumpster Fires. I’ll also admit that it’s not the worst strategy; but let’s face it, that sort of thing didn’t get you guys to the moon first, did it?

Unfortunately, you’re laboring under more than a few misapprehensions about the American character. I’m going to describe the most central one to you. Hacking our computer systems is child’s play when it comes to hacking a MAGA.

Look, the MAGAs are pretty stupid – we all know that – but if you think you’re going to Radio Free Europe them into doing predictably stupid shit you’re in for a rude surprise. Very rude. I’m talking Trotsky spotting that ice axe moments before it sunk into his head. 

You can’t trick people in rural Alabama into doing what you want them to do, every time.  They are as unpredictable as drunk Cossacks. More. To be sure, this time they were with you. But next time, who knows? Figuring these things can be subtle and subtlety is not exactly engrained in the Russian spirit, now is it? My friends, had the hillbillies in South Carolina still been drinking moonshine instead of speed balling oxy and meth – Trump may very well have died on the vine. Did you chess masters consider that when you were putting this whole thing together?

You certainly didn’t give it much thought after you won I imagine. But victory in America is fleeting, gold-precious, and though it occasionally goes to the lucky, usually it goes to the smart. And we have a saying here in the U.S.A. that goes like this:

You were lucky this time.

Fellas, the Manchurian Candidate was a movie script, OK? It’s not going to work more than once. There are too many variables. You boychiks are good at arithmetic, right? Model it out. 

What I’m doing here is warning you that if it feels like you’ve got Billy Bob and Martha Rae figured out, you don’t. If MAGAS could be figured out, we’d have already done it and started making them do what we wanted them to do.

Face it, you lucked out. This is not chess, boys. And you can’t stake your political goals on a bunch of fucking idiots.

Ask Donald Trump.

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